Work and Wives

Its a tradeoff one has to live with. All of us lead parallel lives. You needn't be the same person in both the worlds. You play different roles, at times they are totally tangential, hence the problem.<p>Someone said this to me once, "if your professional life kicks ass... u r taking a beating in the personal front." Its not a universal rule, but I am sure a lot of people can relate to it.<p>Rather than cribbing about having to make a compromise. I think the best bet is to involve your partners as much as possible in discussions about your venture so that they know how important this is for you and how it is in the best interests of the relationship. Go ahead and ask your spouse for suggestions/feedback and keep her in the loop, never leave her in the dark. Share your vision with her. If she does share your vision, then she is going to support you 100%. Then it becomes a non-issue. Its easier said than done, but definitely worth a shot. I am sure Guy would agree with this approach. <p>In short - "Try to establish a mutually benefitting connection between the two parallel lives."

I've read a lot of stuff recently by startup founders about the reasons to start a company while your still young and single, but I have to say that I could not possibly be doing what I'm doing with my company if it were not for the support of my wife. Anyone have a similar experience?

For a marketing brochure I sought feedback from two professional writers and from my wife. The best advice of the three was my wife's. Moms are the main customer, but one of the professional writers is a mom too.<p>If you're racing with competitors to get the attention of people who live their lives on the web, having no other commitments is an advantage. That's not what I'm doing.

My parents had a startup when I was a child. My mom was adventurous and worked with my dad in the business. As a little kid, I had no awareness that we were rich or poor, though we must have struggled because I remember different living situations were not as nice as others. Our family life was happiest during the building phase of the company - before success was surely won. <p>One thing I'm sure of is that my dad would have been miserable if he had a straight job and that would have affected our family a lot more than material instability. <p>There are many lessons that you can teach a child about resilience - about fortune's ups and downs and how to handle risk that are unavailable to those who put their lives on hold to rear a child. I wouldn't have had any other childhood. We had extreme fortune upheavals. At one point, the family lost everything. But dad started again and made a success. I still wound up attending an Ivy League school and hope to apply the lessons I've learned growing up to the startups I'll start.

The reason to start a startup when you're young and single is because you have no commitments. Once you have kids, you can't afford to take that kind of chance with your life because you're also responsible for their lives. But a spouse/significant other who's genuinely supportive is like a partner in the company who's sharing your equity -- if you make it big, he or she makes it big too.<p>On the other hand, a spouse or significant other who's <i>not</i> supportive -- or who means to be supportive but who doesn't actually offer much support, which is worse -- can put enough of a drag on things to make the company fail. <p>And as brlewis notes, a lot depends on the pace you're trying to run the company at. If you're using the traditional VC-funded web startup model and working 100-hour weeks in the hacking zone, your relationship with your spouse/SO is going to suffer. If you're using the consulting/micro-ISV model and expanding the business gradually, it's likely to put a lot less strain on the relationship.

I need help in this category. I'm currently doing consultant work full time to pay the bills (and keep the girlfriend happy) while working on my startup nights and weekends.<p>My girlfriend simply HATES computers and this makes it hard for her to understand what I am doing, why I am doing it and what it could mean later on. To her, it's not work, since it's currently not bringing any money.<p>Luckily she does let me spend some time on my startup, even though I could be spending it her. Going to take advantage of it while I can.<p>

hehe lol, that's a good topic! I've been married for past 4 years (almost five, and I'll be at ycomb when we're 5 years - hopefully) and what I can say is:<p>My wife's paying the bills right now while iJigg is giving me 12 hours of work and big headaches :D<p>I'd not say you shouldn't try something being married, but for sure you need a good conversation with your wife before you start.<p>Tell her what are you going to do, the risks and the gifts you'll be able to give to her if you make it thru.<p>Tell her that you'll give her the first 3 months of incoming, that will help.<p>btw, my wife's pregnant and our incoming isn't enough anymore what tells me to rush even more on iJigg.<p>Dreams are priceless, but when married you're not alone anymore, you need to share everything with your wife!

a good point, I think it can work both ways, but my wife is a great sounding board and brings a unique / non techie point of view to the discussion which is extremely valuable.

I don't have a wife.. but I do beat my roommate nightly with a wooden chair to escape the stress of startup life.