Is the express line really faster?

Waiting in line at the grocery store is one of my greatest pet peeves. To avoid this I usually do one of 3 things:<p>1) Move to the lines further from the store exit. I've noticed that people tend to queue up in lines close to the exit (this is usually where the express lines are, too).<p>2) Use the self-checkout. At least this way I feel like the process is going as efficiently as possible because I am in control of it (plus barcode scanners fascinate me). I will only do this if there is an immediately available self-checkout station. Otherwise, it's guaranteed to take 10x longer than just waiting in a normal line (only being slightly sarcastic).<p>3) Go to the 24hr grocery store at 2am. No lines! (This only works because I am usually up really late coding, and it serves as a nice break.)

While I generally reserve enough time for shopping groceries so that I never need to hurry, I do exercise some preference between cashiers. It, however, isn't necessarily for the fastest route but the most pleasurable route.<p>My highly scientific method (=i.e. where chemistry kicks in) to ensure this goes like this:<p>- Prefer younger cashiers to older cashiers: I empirically know that middle-aged and older people can be unbearably slow. Note that I don't mind queueing as long as I see some progress: unbearably slow is slower than that.<p>- Prefer women to men: they're not necessarily faster but I find it more pleasurable to spend my time queueing while observing a female cashier.<p>- Prefer attractive women to others. They're not necessarily faster but I find it much more pleasurable to watch them while standing in the queue. Moreover, given the (speed-wise) age range from the first bullet, the woman's age doesn't really matter. General looks and vibes matter most. Breasts do play a part.<p>Yeah, I'm a man.

OP is missing one critical piece of data: in many stores, there is a much higher probability that a junior cashier is on the express line. The express line tends to have simpler transactions, so it is a more natural training ground. This progression would have cashiers "moving up" to the lines with greater volume and complexity. Ironically, express line cashiers end up being <i>slower</i>.

I wish they had 'airline' style dispatching: one line, and then you go to the first available cashier. Oh well.

I find the biggest time sucks are: A cashier who can't take payments fast, and a customer who can't pay fast. Someone who doesn't know how to work their credit card adds a lot of time.<p>Based on just being observant, I've got a general intuitive sense of when the people in front of me might take a long time to pay. I look for people who seem unaware, in a zombie-like trance, shuffling their feet along the floor with their eyes blurred off into nothing. It's a pretty decent judge. For cashiers, just waiting in the line a moment usually gives a good idea, and I'll move lines if I'm in a hurry and the cashier appears new or particularly slow.

It looks like not many people have experienced the ethereal reaches of grocery store technology embodied by some Super Stop &#38; Shops in New England. You scan your groceries with a handheld unit as you put them in the bags in your cart. All you do at (self) check out is pay.<p>Vast amount of time saved by not unloading the cart and reloading your bags.<p>I don't understand how theft isn't a problem since it is easy to even inadvertently forget to scan something as you put it in the cart, but it is a huge improvement in the shopping experience.

Usually when I choose to go through the express line it is because the line is around the same length or barely greater than the other lines and there is a clear advantage because the normal lines have people with groceries filling their carts to the brim.<p>Something confusing me was the pleasantries exchange and cash is faster than debit. People do say hello and ask if you found everything fine and whatnot but while they are saying that they have already scanned 3 or 4 of my items I haven't ever had the trouble of someone talking and waiting for response before scanning items.<p>In response to cash is faster than debit there are always people fumbling with wallets to get cash out and such while with a debit card you just slide (most of the time before the checkout is even done) and enter pin/ sign receipt and you are on your way, you don't even need to wait for someone to count out change back to you.

I'm horrible at choosing lines, and it aggravates me to no end.<p>As in most endeavours, the vastly more important factor in determining efficiency is the person doing the job. i.e. the cashier or the programmer, not the type of line, or the language.

I've often felt they drop the new employees in the express lane as the reason it seems to go slower.

I've always thought that checkout speeds are negatively correlated with the amount of register localization. By de-localizing the registers, one could map a redistribution that makes the distance from each shopping section equidistant. This would effectively eliminate the need for "express" lines.<p>This can't be a novel suggestion, so why has it not been implemented? It shocks, to think that major companies would sacrifice efficiency so as to not disturb a consumer's sense of familiarity.

Sorry, I stopped reading at "It's my DaVinci code."