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What makes for a stable marriage? Part 2

66 点作者 redknight666超过 10 年前

18 条评论

blisterpeanuts超过 10 年前
He didn&#x27;t address couples counseling and therapy as factors in keeping marriages going. There&#x27;s always been marriage counseling; today it&#x27;s a professional therapist you hire, but in the old days it was your priest&#x2F;rabbi&#x2F;minister, or perhaps an elder in your household, who advised you on how to get along.<p>Today in First World industrial societies, couples just try to wing it, moving out from the parents&#x27; house as soon as economically possible, living in a tiny nuclear household, sometimes very far away from the parents, and few humble themselves enough to try counseling.<p>My wife and I have been getting couples counseling on and off since before we were married, and it&#x27;s helped a lot in learning how to communicate. Those knock-down, drag out fights are today a distant memory and instead we try to focus on communicating our needs, on expressing our feelings in a non-confrontational manner, etc. I&#x27;m all for more couples counseling.<p>Kids help, too. My amateur theory is that fundamentally speaking a couple is supposed to have kids. It&#x27;s what we were designed to do. Kids are inconvenient and expensive and people mistakenly feel they&#x27;ll have a happier life without them, but in a certain sense it&#x27;s an empty life.<p>Some people probably should not raise kids, but the majority probably should, but also should learn better communication and then they will have a healthier relationship with both their spouse and their children.<p>Just my humble opinions :)
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shittyanalogy超过 10 年前
None of these things <i>make</i> for a <i>stable</i> marriage. They are statistics about marriages studied. You don&#x27;t get to draw the inverse conclusion. And besides just because a marriage doesn&#x27;t end in divorce doesn&#x27;t mean it&#x27;s stable.
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andyjohnson0超过 10 年前
<i>&quot;It’s particularly interesting to note that the education difference matters more for women than men: Women are 50% more likely to end up divorced when there is an education difference versus men at only 32% more likely.&quot;</i><p>For heterosexual marriages, wouldn&#x27;t the percentages be the same? If a given number of divorces will always produce a equal number of male and female divorcees.<p>Or is the author saying that the direction of difference is important? Eg, a woman is more likely to divorce her husband if she is more highly educated than him, but not vice versa.<p>Is there some missing information here, or am I being dense?
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barbudorojo超过 10 年前
I like statistics, but I think here we have personal and cultural factors that make statistics of no sense if you are trying to use probabilities for your personal life.<p>What I think is a key factor in an stable marriage is the ability to communicate, share and enjoy with your partner. I have been more than 20 years married and my wife wonders why our marriage is so much alive, I don&#x27;t know the secret but we try to enjoy together and share ours life. The key factor is real communication.<p>Edited: Grammar.
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Bill_Dimm超过 10 年前
It&#x27;s a shame the &quot;being the same age&quot; item didn&#x27;t separate the data for men being older from the data for women being older (for heterosexual marriages). With society being somewhat more accepting of older men marrying younger women rather than the other way around, it would be interesting to see if marriage success agreed with that or not.
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Steuard超过 10 年前
These are neat comparisons, in both part 1 and part 2 (especially the strikingly opposite effects of big weddings vs. expensive weddings near the end of part 1). But boy, what I wouldn&#x27;t give to see error bars on those graphs!
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skywhopper超过 10 年前
These statistics are interesting, but they are useless for individuals looking for a stable marriage, or couples attempting to foster one. Put simply, the headline is wrong. It implies this is information you can use to <i>make</i> a stable marriage. But all it provides is a summary of traits of existing stable marriages. Knowing those facts is unlikely to contribute to a stable marriage.<p>In fact, if anyone took them seriously as a guide to how to deal with their own marriage situation, they would find these facts only add stress and redirect blame in useless directions:<p>* &quot;We <i>have</i> to have a kid, otherwise the statistics say we&#x27;ll get divorced!!&quot;<p>* &quot;I guess I should have known better than to marry someone without a Master&#x27;s degree.&quot;<p>Do those attitudes seem like a recipe for success?
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redknight666超过 10 年前
Part 1 is here: <a href="http://www.randalolson.com/2014/10/10/what-makes-for-a-stable-marriage/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.randalolson.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;10&#x2F;10&#x2F;what-makes-for-a-stabl...</a>
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ottorobotto超过 10 年前
I find that the Gale–Shapley algorithm is generally a good solution to this problem.
platz超过 10 年前
Also a good read: <a href="http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2014/11/06/7-ways-to-have-a-good-marriage/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;blog.penelopetrunk.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;11&#x2F;06&#x2F;7-ways-to-have-a-go...</a>
Someone1234超过 10 年前
If you enjoy this type of thing might I recommend OKCupid&#x27;s blog &quot;OkTrends.&quot; I am married but yet I continue to read OkCupid&#x27;s blog, just too fascinating:<p><a href="http://blog.okcupid.com/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;blog.okcupid.com&#x2F;</a><p>Today they have something on race, but if you look at their historical stuff they&#x27;ve looked at tons of other areas, most of which is pretty interesting.<p>As an example of a good one:<p><a href="http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;blog.okcupid.com&#x2F;index.php&#x2F;the-case-for-an-older-woma...</a>
crayola超过 10 年前
&quot;On the bright side, the longer your marriage lasts, the less likely you are to divorce.&quot;<p>Emmm.. Not too surprising, is it? Divorces kind of tend to terminate marriages early.
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ArtDev超过 10 年前
For a more in depth analysis check out &quot;The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work&quot;, a book based on decades of research at the Seattle &quot;Love Lab&quot;. Dr Gottman has written other books, but this is the book on marriage research. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.amazon.com&#x2F;Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work&#x2F;...</a>
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thyrsus超过 10 年前
I didn&#x27;t see this addressed in the comments on Part 1: how is it possible that expensive marriages had more effect on women&#x27;s divorce rate than it had on men&#x27;s?<p>For multiple reasons it is not plausible that a strong correlation within lesbian weddings skewed the results. Was the data self-reported, and this reflects imperfect memory of the expense? Were they only looking at the expense from that partner&#x27;s side of the family?
PavlovsCat超过 10 年前
Read Erich Fromm. All of it, or at least the stuff he wrote about psychology and love. If you then feel you still have to add something, go for it. Otherwise, just recommend Erich Fromm and not only will you save everybody time, but also bad advice.
mfonda超过 10 年前
Clicked on this link expecting it to be something about the Stable marriage problem or Gale-Shapley algorithm. Still interesting data though.
DontBeADick超过 10 年前
#hashtagsarestupid
qwerta超过 10 年前
I have great advice howto improve your health and productivity tenfold: DO NOT GET MARRIED! EVER! :-)
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