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Applying an experimental procedure to fall in love

321 点作者 pje超过 10 年前

17 条评论

grimgrin超过 10 年前
I harvested the questions out of the PDF.<p><a href="https://gist.github.com/shmup/3bc1229f24486d746bf3" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;gist.github.com&#x2F;shmup&#x2F;3bc1229f24486d746bf3</a>
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ada1981超过 10 年前
I was so inspired by this article that I spent the day coding an app &#x2F; game that beautifully guides you through the questions and includes a built in timer with a sound for the eye gazing.<p><a href="http://LoveActualized.com" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;LoveActualized.com</a><p>I envision is being something that would be fun on a first date as a game.<p>Also - I&#x27;ve used eye gazing and several variations with profound results in my coaching work -- many of my clients have said that a ~3 minute session is easily the most profound experience of their lives.
logicallee超过 10 年前
I thought this was great and recommend the article. Click through to the list of questions - <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.nytimes.com&#x2F;2015&#x2F;01&#x2F;11&#x2F;fashion&#x2F;no-37-big-wedding-...</a><p>There&#x27;s no harm in trying it. At worst you&#x27;ll get to know someone. I&#x27;d have no qualms working through this set with at least a dozen people I can think of off-hand (some of whom aren&#x27;t available anyway, it doesn&#x27;t matter, or where we flirt anyway.)<p>The questions are mostly quite interesting. I&#x27;d lie about #34 though as it&#x27;s embarrassing that, like most people here, I have unbacked up stuff on a laptop, which would be an easy decision over other stuff (since there&#x27;s so much and it&#x27;s so easy to take) but gives the wrong impression about my priorities. So what - say someone isn&#x27;t completely honest with you in some of the answers. still an interesting set of questions.<p>I&#x27;m also curious what happens if you just do this with an acquaintance of the same gender assuming neither of you two have any interest in that gender romantically. if you&#x27;re a man, imagine just answering this stuff with a casual acquiantance (think of bros or colleagues) vaguely similar to you but not a gender you&#x27;re attracted to, and looking into each other&#x27;s eyes for 4 minutes. same if you&#x27;re a woman with another woman acquaintance. [1]<p>It would be interesting to know what kind of bonding this elicits.<p>[1] I specifically chose to mention only a same-gendered examples - two guys who aren&#x27;t into guys, or same with two girls - because the example of a purely gay person doing so with someone of the opposite gender is a bit different for a couple of reasons. some gay people will date or even marry someone of the opposite gender - e.g. a beard - plus social norms would push in that direction even if neither party is attracted. I&#x27;m more interested in the example of two acquaintances who are of the same gender but not gay doing this.)
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cllns超过 10 年前
I&#x27;m just finishing up <i>All About Love: New Visions</i> by bell hooks. In it, she talks about love as an action.<p>She frequently quotes Erich Fromm&#x27;s <i>The Art of Loving</i>, which seems good as well.<p>[1]: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Love:_New_Visions" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;All_About_Love:_New_Visions</a><p>[2]: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;The_Art_of_Loving</a>
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cel超过 10 年前
In a psychology class I took, we applied this procedure as an in-class exercise, pairing up and asking each other the questions. It works well.
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curuinor超过 10 年前
We did this in the Stanford salon: the procedure was for interpersonal intimacy, so some parts you can pluck out and try for friendships: we matched people pretty randomly-ish, and it was a fairly good result. This is the experimental protocol (<a href="https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~rascl/tools/secondFastFriendsQuestions.html" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.ocf.berkeley.edu&#x2F;~rascl&#x2F;tools&#x2F;secondFastFriendsQ...</a>)<p>There seems to be a positive feedback sort of thing in this, because the pair who got the most out of it was two people who had been friends for a long time, who learned a lot about each other.
DarkIye超过 10 年前
I remember reading about positive conceptualisation techniques in <i>Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus</i>. This is nothing particularly special. What if you spent 90 minutes detailing one another&#x27;s flaws? You&#x27;d come away with a similarly inaccurate negative impression of your partner.
ukusan超过 10 年前
Here&#x27;s an app version! <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/fall-in-love/id957054500?ls=1&amp;mt=8" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;itunes.apple.com&#x2F;us&#x2F;app&#x2F;fall-in-love&#x2F;id957054500?ls=...</a>
minthd超过 10 年前
What i don&#x27;t get-why did something like this remains hidden from the general public for 20 years ? Why didn&#x27;t the study authors worked on popularizing this ?
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adamzerner超过 10 年前
I could have sworn that I saw a video about this. It might have been a Ted Talk? I can&#x27;t find the link. Can anyone else?
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jmharvey超过 10 年前
Whatever happened to HN&#x27;s rule about clickbait headlines?
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jacques_chester超过 10 年前
Time for all of us to come up with pre-canned answers.<p>&quot;My greatest weakness is that I&#x27;m a workaholic perfectionist. I know I should spend more time doing stuff other than working and preparing for work, but it&#x27;s just so important to do everything that is best for my company.&quot;
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tightfleece超过 10 年前
&quot;To Fall in Love with Anyone, Stare Into Their Eyes for 4 Minutes&quot;<p>I hate business models that work by wasting your time. It&#x27;s not a bad article though.
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andrewlynch超过 10 年前
Apply to Tinder.
kornork超过 10 年前
I dated a girl who liked to stare at me in the eyes, in silence. I&#x27;m not sure if we ever made it to 4 minutes. It was pretty creepy.
scottlocklin超过 10 年前
This article is disgusting hogwash, suited for the emotional timbre of shallow New Yorkers who go to psychotherapists as a hobby. As the great philosopher Inigo Montoya put it, (Love) &quot;you keep using that word, I don&#x27;t think you know what it means.&quot;
selimthegrim超过 10 年前
This is sophistry. She was already attracted to him (here, I use it in the sense primarily of &quot;willing to go out on a date with him&quot;) before they started. I don&#x27;t see any mention of &quot;to build attraction, do this&quot;, and intimacy will smother their boundaries and their relationship without attraction.
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