TE
科技回声
首页24小时热榜最新最佳问答展示工作
GitHubTwitter
首页

科技回声

基于 Next.js 构建的科技新闻平台,提供全球科技新闻和讨论内容。

GitHubTwitter

首页

首页最新最佳问答展示工作

资源链接

HackerNews API原版 HackerNewsNext.js

© 2025 科技回声. 版权所有。

Your Most Important Skill: Empathy

330 点作者 nikunjk大约 10 年前

31 条评论

irishcoffee大约 10 年前
I&#x27;m sure this will get buried at this point, but I have experienced very negative side effects from my ability to empathize with people. Theres a term (which I find silly) that categorizes people as &#x27;empaths&#x27; which I gathered means one can almost &quot;link&quot; emotionally with people. While I fid the term silly, i have experienced almost crippling emotional pain when someone close to me is hurting. I hate it, I wish it would go away.<p>My one friend, brilliant engineer. Has brain cancer. I sit a desk away from him. When he is upset, I can hardly function. My ex-SO, when upset, I can feel the anger and sadness. It destroys me to feel that someone feels that way toward me. Its truly awful and I wish this didn&#x27;t happen to me. My siblings growing up, I was able to (and I&#x27;m not proud of this at all) basically manipulate them into doing whatever I wanted, because I was able to understand how they felt.<p>People tell me all the time &quot;you&#x27;re such likeable person, everyone likes you. That&#x27;ll take you far.&quot; My boss said it not a month ago, which took me by surprise, as I don&#x27;t care for my boss at all.<p>I wish there was a spectrum opposite the autism spectrum. I don&#x27;t think I am at all unique in this, and I wish I could talk to others experiencing the same kinds of things.
评论 #9195594 未加载
评论 #9195757 未加载
评论 #9196460 未加载
评论 #9197036 未加载
评论 #9197274 未加载
评论 #9196212 未加载
评论 #9196001 未加载
评论 #9195581 未加载
评论 #9196393 未加载
评论 #9195957 未加载
评论 #9200312 未加载
grownseed大约 10 年前
This is a refreshing article considering the mainstream upsell of the selfish &quot;cool&quot; stone-hearted asshole.<p>Anywho, I used to be one of those kids with little to no capacity for empathy. I wasn&#x27;t horrible, I would never have hurt anyone, but I had a really hard time relating (nor was I trying to). My pre-school teacher mentioned to my parents that something was off with me (they just thought I was a weird kid), it seemed I had no notion of social feedback, putting me somewhere on the autism spectrum.<p>Turns out I was going completely deaf, which on the long run ended up being a blessing in disguise (also because I more or less recovered my hearing later on).<p>Being deaf, you learn to read people as if they came with an instruction booklet, it comes very naturally. I saw how other people had those reactions, emotions showing in their faces, their body language and so on, and how it affected others. I started feigning it and playing with it, effectively manipulating people into reacting the way I wanted them to.<p>As time moved on, some of these things started coming naturally and it soon hit me like a brick: the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy.<p>It often makes me wonder whether empathy is purely an acquired trait, or if some people have a strong predisposition for it.<p>The one major drawback of empathy, in my opinion, is feeling utterly useless when you see other people repeatedly hurting themselves, usually thinking they&#x27;re doing the right thing. It pains me, deeply, but I suppose it&#x27;s a necessary side-effect.
评论 #9195627 未加载
评论 #9195183 未加载
评论 #9195626 未加载
评论 #9195047 未加载
trevelyan大约 10 年前
This blog post is factually incorrect in the sense that it contradicts the current state-of-the-art in psychology research, which comes from the regression analysis of statistically-identifiable personality traits against actual career outcomes in repeated large-n survey research.<p>Specifically, empathy is associated with &quot;agreeability&quot; in the five-factor OCEAN model (the dominant scientific model of personality traits in psychology). In this model, agreeability has been repeatedly shown to correlate with worse career outcomes and lower professional satisfaction over time.<p>This is not to say that being an asshole is good, but if we are measuring career performance in terms of the traditional metrics that matter to most people (promotion and pay), the statistical reality is that high levels of empathy don&#x27;t move the needle in the direction people conventionally assume they want.
评论 #9195517 未加载
评论 #9195209 未加载
评论 #9195802 未加载
评论 #9194685 未加载
评论 #9195118 未加载
评论 #9194929 未加载
评论 #9195128 未加载
评论 #9194659 未加载
narrator大约 10 年前
Empathy is a skill and a talent. I&#x27;ve had close personal relationships with a few great salesmen. It&#x27;s incredible to watch the difference between someone who is gifted in this regard and someone who isn&#x27;t. It can be worked on, but some people definitely have a natural talent.<p>Great salesmen are always in a good mood, never negative, never criticize, never go off on random tangents and know what the other person is going to say even before they say it. They can tell immediately how a target market will react to anything in a product or offering. It&#x27;s like they can easily put themselves in the other person&#x27;s mindset to understand their gut emotional reaction to things. I only dream of being that good. The best I can do is to clumsily emulate it, but it requires concentration to pay attention to everything, it&#x27;s like speaking a foreign language but never quite thinking in it.
评论 #9195221 未加载
评论 #9195506 未加载
评论 #9195383 未加载
评论 #9195064 未加载
Mahn大约 10 年前
I find the amount of people that have a complete and utter lack of empathy staggering. Average people really couldn&#x27;t care less if someone they don&#x27;t know is hurt as long as they have what they want; coming across somebody truly empathetic is really a rarity. I&#x27;ve always found this rather depressing.
评论 #9194551 未加载
Kalium大约 10 年前
One of the odds things I&#x27;ve noticed about empathy is that a great many people are very bad at recognizing it in others. Empathy doesn&#x27;t just look like playing madlibs to the tune of &quot;You feel $FEELING. That&#x27;s $ADJECTIVE!&quot;.<p>And beware of anyone who calls for empathy but displays none for their audience. That&#x27;s just manipulation.
评论 #9194539 未加载
评论 #9195772 未加载
评论 #9194432 未加载
wonnage大约 10 年前
Incoming armchair psychiatrist...<p>I think any perceived universal lack of empathy is more a projected personal lack of empathy. I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you&#x27;ll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. Everyone&#x27;s been in a bystander position before, where they knew they could do something but didn&#x27;t; this is empathy without action, which is mistakenly labelled as a lack of empathy.<p>Hence the problem is not that we can&#x27;t empathize but that there&#x27;s no obligation to do anything, which reflects a general preference towards identifying and branding over the actual work of change and action.
评论 #9195892 未加载
评论 #9195022 未加载
评论 #9194888 未加载
Spearchucker大约 10 年前
I can read anyone like a book. I also know why I have this skill - my mother had a mean temper. No violence, but a lot of screaming and banging doors. So I learnt quickly to measure the temperature of a room. Weird, and cool, that that aspect of growing up produced such a useful skill. <i>Really</i> weird though, was discovering how few have this ability.
评论 #9194523 未加载
评论 #9194619 未加载
评论 #9194464 未加载
评论 #9194691 未加载
评论 #9194984 未加载
spacemanmatt大约 10 年前
True story: I took a parenting course titled Redirecting Childrens Behavior (great course, BTW) from an instructor who also taught an enterprise-oriented course called Redirecting Corporate Behavior. In class, I was curious and had to ask what the difference was. Her response was, &quot;They&#x27;re the same. People are the same at work as at home.&quot;
评论 #9194832 未加载
brianstorms大约 10 年前
I&#x27;m glad to see this sort of article in here.<p>However I would suggest it could be argued that compassion is the bigger skill and talent here, and that it includes empathy.<p>The etymological root of &quot;compassion&quot; is &quot;to suffer with&quot;, to feel someone&#x27;s pain. To walk in their shoes. To see their perspective. To breathe their air.<p>When there is compassion there is a better user experience. Apple used to have a lot of compassion but like other recent HN posts have discussed, Apple&#x27;s software of late suggests they&#x27;re losing it . . . fast.<p>One&#x27;s entire daily activity, including operating vehicles (be they two wheels or more), could benefit from more compassion. Nations would benefit from a more compassionate media. Not to menion more compassionate politicians.<p>For me, compassion is the thing. It&#x27;s what the world needs now.
xacaxulu大约 10 年前
I&#x27;ve seen, 9 definitions of empathy on this thread so far. That might be a place to start :)
评论 #9195295 未加载
bambax大约 10 年前
&gt; <i>The reason crowds of people exhaust me is that I am constantly trying to read and understand the feelings and motivations of those around me.</i><p>That describes me perfectly.<p>But there is a general confusion between &quot;empathy&quot; and &quot;compassion&quot;.<p>I have a lot of the former and very little of the latter; I understand what other people experience, but I don&#x27;t really &quot;feel&quot; it -- I don&#x27;t suffer when they do.<p>(I don&#x27;t know what this says about me -- that&#x27;s just how I am).<p>Professionally this has served me well; I&#x27;m an independent contractor but the core of what I do is translate what people say to one another. When designing a system it&#x27;s amazing how users think they have expressed their needs clearly when the tech guys understood a completely different thing; this happens even when everything is written down and formally accepted, etc. The way to fight this problem is to describe the consequences of every choice: if you do this this way, then you won&#x27;t be able to do that other thing.<p>Personally, empathy without compassion is more of a flaw. In a conversation I usually know what the other person is going to say, so I answer their questions before they finish asking, and most people don&#x27;t like it. Or they feel they have found a sympathetic ear and start telling me a lot about themselves, which gets boring quickly.<p>Small talk with people you know just a little, terrifies me. I have learned to talk about the weather -- that works most of the time, but only for so long (but the conversation can start anew every day).<p>I wonder if I shared too much.
joshfraser大约 10 年前
A lack of empathy is the source of many of the worlds problems.<p>Would we be care more about US drone attacks if we had friends or family living in Afghanistan or Iran? Would we be so cavalier about prison rape if it had happened to us or a close friend?<p>These things occur when we distance ourselves from the people who are affected. When you look at all the injustice in the world, so much of it would evaporate if the people responsible simply had more empathy.
bootload大约 10 年前
<i>&quot;Why should you explicitly work to enhance your ability to empathize with others?&quot;</i><p>There&#x27;s a reason why empathy is declining and I think it&#x27;s related to the disconnect individuals have when moving from situations where the <i>&quot;We&quot;</i> has been superseded by the <i>&quot;I&quot;</i>.<p>If you live, work with a number of individuals working together, where everyone has particular skills and roles then find yourself in a situation where your existence is on the line, co-operation will beat individuals. You see this in nature where big cats hunt in teams, with combat troops and to an extent startups. Empathy is a by-product, because if you don&#x27;t help them out, you fail.<p>People can get a taste of this playing competitive team sports.
评论 #9194812 未加载
评论 #9194724 未加载
tek-cyb-org大约 10 年前
Wow this is so me. I feel u totally. Unfortunately my &quot;Sensitivity&quot; has caused me to become somewhat introverted yet still able to get through life and doing pretty well. Great article, great to know im not the only one out there. thanks
actf大约 10 年前
I really enjoyed the book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg - which despite the title, is actually very relevant to this topic.<p>I picked it up after hearing a number of very positive reviews, and despite my skepticism, I now understand why it&#x27;s so highly praised.<p>I&#x27;d try to provide a brief summary, but I know I wouldn&#x27;t do it justice. I will however say that it&#x27;s almost certainly one of, if not the best, book I&#x27;ve ever read on improving interpersonal communication and relationships.<p>The author has a phd in psychology, so the advice has some real science backing it up too.
评论 #9195850 未加载
realrocker大约 10 年前
Sure. I think it&#x27;s important to empathise with people. Especially in a professional setup. But how do you empathise with the lazy ones who would come to a meeting unprepared, hoping to get a quick tutorial on the subject on the go. Or the condescenders who would assume their expertise on a subject renders all other opinions invalid. In those cases empathy is actually cruel to the remaining who do deserve it. Empathy like every other human emotion isn&#x27;t really universal.
dschiptsov大约 10 年前
&quot;Social Intelligence&quot; again?<p>Btw, empathy by itself (if we think of it as so-called mirror neurons based machinery of shaped by evolutionary forces reciprocal altruism) is a &quot;glue&quot; of any social formation, so there is nothing special about it.<p>If we think of it as an &quot;ability to feel other people&#x27;s feels&quot; (and reflect and react on them) - then it is OK for some context and not so for another. At least, in a harsh, competitive even hostile environments it is rather a vulnerability.<p>So, inside any kind of social organization, be it a flock of animals or a village community or a company competing in a crowded market - empathy is what holds it together. It is also the foundation of the social aspect of some religions, but why should one pile up more abstract concepts on top of a simple biological phenomena?<p>And, of course, it is not <i>the</i> most important skill, given that the social aspect of a human life is, indeed, important, but not the most important. Any so-called &quot;introvert&quot; (with is a last-century meme) will tell you that.<p>There are people, who would say, that independent thinking, not being a docile sheeple, conditioned by social environment, etc. are more important virtues in life.<p>There are reasons, why intellectual practices and spiritual growth requires a solitude.<p>So, high empathy is important for a social worker or a priest or any kind of &quot;manipulator&quot;, but I don&#x27;t buy that it is the most important skill for a techie or an &quot;introvert&quot;. Yes, it helps when we have to visit a public place, but why should we make other people as our primary occupation?
bl00djack大约 10 年前
Love this! Lately, I have been suffering from Impostor Syndrome and there are times I felt like I am doing everything wrong and I even started to question my empathy. Anyway, great article!
pflanze大约 10 年前
Previous discussion: <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7084299" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=7084299</a>
normloman大约 10 年前
I love the message of this article. Yet I&#x27;m also disappointed we needed an article to tell us this. How is having empathy controversial?
coryl大约 10 年前
Great design and UX comes from a deep understanding and empathy of people (including yourself). If I feel your pain, I can help address it.
Puts大约 10 年前
Some here seems to think that introverts can&#x27;t be empathic which ironically seems like a very hostile attitude towards fellow people.
jraedisch大约 10 年前
Another side effect of involuntary empathy for me is tending to forgive (sometimes too?!) easily - since I understand, or at least like to believe I understand almost everything as a result of hard to change traits and motivations. Whenever somebody is blamed for something I immediately try to explain why her or his acting is understandable. Empathy might also lower my belief in free will.
jheriko大约 10 年前
its good to promote this. thank you for advocating this viewpoint. :)<p>although as much as i identify a failure at empathy as a serious weakness i have, i continually fail to do anything about it and constantly put my foot in my mouth and offend others.<p>maybe i just need a lot more practice...
edgarvaldes大约 10 年前
I think the most important job-related skill is Social Networking.
评论 #9194697 未加载
perdunov大约 10 年前
My empathy is blocked by disgust towards most people, although I am very empathetic.<p>I am not sure what it is that slight or strong disgust I feel towards almost all people. Maybe it is a psychiatric condition.
theRhino大约 10 年前
become a stoic, practice all the virtues, not just empathy<p>your brain will thank you for it
grkovalev大约 10 年前
i tried it, did not work for me
timwaagh大约 10 年前
demands exceeds supply. even socially inept lazy aspies with mediocre coding skills, who&#x27;d normally be the last that would get hired (like me) have programming careers. any success you may experience is not likely to have anything to do with your soft skills.
评论 #9194658 未加载
peterwwillis大约 10 年前
Book suggestion thread: Go.<p>Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.amazon.com&#x2F;Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Tha...</a>)
评论 #9195273 未加载
评论 #9194716 未加载