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No Time to Be Nice at Work

166 点作者 SimplyUseless将近 10 年前

20 条评论

j_baker将近 10 年前
I have to say: working in a civil work environment makes a huge difference in terms of job satisfaction and job performance. Civility works for the business, the worker, and the customer. Nobody really benefits from incivility except for the arrogant power-monger over the very short term.
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littletimmy将近 10 年前
This is to be expected when the working environment gets as cut-throat as the American workplace has become. Blame it on inequality, blame it on the puritanical drive to overwork, blame it on the zeal to squeeze every last bit of profit. It&#x27;s just one other symptom of how anyone who is not an oligarch in this society is meant as an expendable resource to be crushed by the ubermensch.<p>My only hope is that the USA fails to export its brand of moral decrepitude to the rest of the world. Europe should stay civilized, for the sake of its people.
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patrickdavey将近 10 年前
I once went to a talk on the &quot;8 powers of leadership&quot;, one of these &quot;powers&quot; was the power to be yourself. The presenters idea was to get your &quot;go to hell kit&quot; ready (x months of living expenses saved) and then act the way you believe you should. For example, if a boss started shouting at me, I would politely, but firmly, say shall we continue this in another room, once there, I would try to work out what the issue was and come to some resolution. I certainly wouldn&#x27;t stand for that sort of behaviour, life is too short.<p>Respect yourself, get your go to hell kit ready, and stick up for yourself, there are always other jobs if push comes to shove, especially for anyone reading this.
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warmcat将近 10 年前
From my personal experience, I agree on the stress caused by uncivil workspace...especially if the boss is uncivil. I used to get thoughts of suicide when I was working for a boss in a job right out of college and my health declined a lot. It was not until I changed my job that I saw a huge difference in civil and uncivil workspace and its effect on life.
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dmourati将近 10 年前
I&#x27;m guilty of workplace incivility. I was oblivious how much I was negatively impacting my colleagues. I read No One Understands you and What to do About it and the No Asshole Rule. Both helped me to improve.
itbeho将近 10 年前
My personal favorite quote from a previous boss: &quot;I left you alone last week when you were out for your wife&#x27;s surgery. Now it&#x27;s time for you to catch up.&quot;
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jqm将近 10 年前
On the other hand the fake niceness of some workplaces is just as repugnant. And it makes it harder to find out where you stand and what needs to be done. I fully agree there is no need for hostility in the workplace and it shouldn&#x27;t be tolerated. At the same time I believe many people have become oversensitive and forgotten the massaging of their personal feelings are not the reason a company exists.
unabst将近 10 年前
Kindness is so so so underrated. If one needs an excuse to be kind, they are already an asshole. And those who stick around horrible people need to realize that those people suffer greatly for how they behave even if they deny it. In startups especially. A leader that lacks integrity and lacks a heart does not deserve any loyalty, and if you&#x27;re giving it, you need to consider the possibility that you are victim of a bully.<p>I also love the conclusion of original article:<p><i>Given the enormous cost of incivility, it should not be ignored. We all need to reconsider our behavior. You are always in front of some jury. In every interaction, you have a choice: Do you want to lift people up or hold them down?</i>
negamax将近 10 年前
Having seen my fair shares of people like these, I say it has everything to do with their own personal lives not sorted and them taking it out at workplace. If anything, companies should be extra vigilant in rooting out such workers.
wyclif将近 10 年前
For those of you that like business books, and want to improve the culture of your workplace in terms of creating space for respect, civility, compassion, and yes—love, I thought this is relevant to these issues:<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.amazon.com&#x2F;Love-Is-Killer-App-Influence&#x2F;dp&#x2F;1400046831" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.amazon.com&#x2F;Love-Is-Killer-App-Influence&#x2F;dp&#x2F;140004...</a><p>It&#x27;s not a new book, and it&#x27;s written by a Yahoo guy, but don&#x27;t let those things put you off. There&#x27;s tons of actionable stuff here.
jryanwilliams将近 10 年前
Job role plays a big part in how civil someone thinks they are expected to be to one another. With the transactional nature of sales, I see many leaders approach their sales team with a sort of &#x27;what have you done (closed) lately&#x27; mentality, which is a slippery slope that can get very ugly very quickly.
__Joker将近 10 年前
I have heard first hand about some CEO or bosses deliberately practising meanness&#x2F;curtness. The worst thing of all is I could not fathom they kind of justifying and moving on. Most likely if things are working something most be right.
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nhashem将近 10 年前
There&#x27;s a school of thought among &quot;economic leftists&quot; that the disconnect between US productivity and average US worker wages since the 1970s, is due to a decline in &quot;outrage constraint.&quot;[0] Executives didn&#x27;t pay themselves that much more than their workers because it would essentially be considered &quot;uncouth&quot; to do otherwise. They might be rich, but they would be condemned and considered pariahs among their peers. You could optimize your personal gain, but the reputational damage would be be so suboptimal for your firm that you&#x27;d wind up in a net worse position.<p>Social norms and conventions have significantly shifted since then. It is now entirely acceptable for executives to pay themselves several hundred times the average worker compensation[1]. <i>There is no longer any real cost, reputational or otherwise, for optimizing for your personal gain</i> So you might as well get yours, and fuck everyone else. Sure, some people with &quot;Sanders 2016&quot; bumper stickers will whine on Reddit about you, and maybe they&#x27;ll even get together and yell at some buildings until they collapse due to a combination of in-fighting and tear-gas. But for the most part, you&#x27;ll just shrug, order another round of layoffs, and think about how much your RSUs will appreciate in the inevitable stock price bump.<p>And if you&#x27;re truly concerned about reputational risk, and can&#x27;t reconcile that some people in society will still think you&#x27;re a &quot;bad person&quot; for this, and the thought of being a bad person causes too much discomfort for your liking, then you can literally <i>compare them to Hitler and find a sympathetic audience.</i>[2]<p>I have to imagine -- and yes, I literally have to imagine, because I don&#x27;t have any quantitative evidence and don&#x27;t pretend otherwise -- that this is essentially a sociopath mindset (perhaps best explained by the Gervais Principle[3]) that then trickles down at every level of most professional organizations. When you&#x27;re optimizing for your personal gain, you don&#x27;t have a lot of time to consider things like &quot;empathy&quot; or &quot;fairness.&quot; This is unfortunate to those disposed to such personality traits like the OPs father, because they essentially get eaten alive in the modern American workplace. At many professional organizations, the approach is binary. If it&#x27;s not &quot;fuck you, got mine&quot; then it&#x27;s &quot;fuck! you got mine.&quot;<p>HN is known for having a significant population of those who that there is nothing wrong with this, and if the most productive members of society happen to be sociopaths, then they should be rewarded as such as their productivity is what drives the human race forward. But what&#x27;s unfortunate to me is that this means some of our society&#x27;s most brilliant and productive people will essentially get marginalized in their professional (and indirectly, their personal) lives, not because they lack some level of competence, self-reliance, productivity, etc, but because they&#x27;re incapable of embracing a sociopathic mindset to professional advancement.<p>I have no problem with those who want to make their fortunes in any way possible, so they can retire to Galt&#x27;s Gultch with their fortunes. I suppose I only question why they&#x27;re so hell-bent on having only assholes for neighbors.<p>[0] <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.nytimes.com&#x2F;2002&#x2F;08&#x2F;23&#x2F;opinion&#x2F;the-outrage-constraint.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.nytimes.com&#x2F;2002&#x2F;08&#x2F;23&#x2F;opinion&#x2F;the-outrage-constr...</a><p>[1] <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.washingtonpost.com&#x2F;blogs&#x2F;wonkblog&#x2F;wp&#x2F;2014&#x2F;09&#x2F;25&#x2F;the-pay-gap-between-ceos-and-workers-is-much-worse-than-you-realize&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.washingtonpost.com&#x2F;blogs&#x2F;wonkblog&#x2F;wp&#x2F;2014&#x2F;09&#x2F;25&#x2F;t...</a><p>[2] <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.politico.com&#x2F;story&#x2F;2014&#x2F;03&#x2F;the-rich-strike-back-104753.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.politico.com&#x2F;story&#x2F;2014&#x2F;03&#x2F;the-rich-strike-back-1...</a><p>[3] <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.ribbonfarm.com&#x2F;the-gervais-principle&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.ribbonfarm.com&#x2F;the-gervais-principle&#x2F;</a>
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sgt101将近 10 年前
A lot of these things are artifacts of intense competition and change. Ignoring invites often happens (where I work) when people have 20 appointments in a day already! Stress transmits from the top down; if your business is &quot;as usual&quot; you can get your hands round it and run it smoothly, if your platform is on fire and your customers are throwing bombs at you (and disappearing) then staying on an even keel is hard.
glaberficken将近 10 年前
Civil face to face relations and at the same time &quot;uncivil&quot; communication via email.<p>I&#x27;ve lately been experiencing this at my work place.<p>Face to face, people are all really civil to each other, assertive, giving objective feedback and collaborating really well to get work done.<p>However when things move to the written form (email mostly) things can quickly escalate into finger pointing and the blame game.<p>Anyone got thoughts on what would pressure us to act this way?
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hliyan将近 10 年前
How does this compare with the idea of &quot;disagreeable givers&quot;? <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theatlantic.com&#x2F;magazine&#x2F;archive&#x2F;2015&#x2F;06&#x2F;why-it-pays-to-be-a-jerk&#x2F;392066&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theatlantic.com&#x2F;magazine&#x2F;archive&#x2F;2015&#x2F;06&#x2F;why-it-p...</a>
netcan将近 10 年前
We are such apes.
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comrade1将近 10 年前
Aggressive behavior is the norm when working as a consultant. You have to know that it&#x27;s not personal and that part of it is negotiation on the part of the client, part of it is anger on the part of the client, some of it is just due to poor personality, some of it due to your misunderstanding of the situation and culture.<p>Most people are not fit to work in a high-stress, aggressive environment, but some of us are. And that&#x27;s why we get paid a lot for not doing a heck of a lot.<p>I worked as a &#x27;clean up&#x27; consultant in Europe for a couple of years - going to clients that had failing projects and were desperate to bring in a developer to get the project back on track. My job was 75% calming the client down and making them feel loved and 25% programming.<p>And boy, do I have some stories...
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michaelochurch将近 10 年前
First, I think that people aren&#x27;t becoming less uncivil but that environments are getting worse. If anything (although this is probably an artifact of increasing age and status) people seem to be getting better, on the whole: fewer mean jokes and exclusionary behaviors. Work environments, with the open-plan trend, are getting a lot worse and more stressful. It used to be that an off-color joke was heard by 2 people in a private office; now it&#x27;s heard by 40 in a bullpen. Open-plan offices tend to magnify the cumulative effects of microaggressions, which is one of the reasons why every population except for the most constitutionally insensitive one (those who&#x27;ve never had negative experiences, either due to general inexperience or a combination of privilege and luck) hates them.<p>Second, when you&#x27;re aggressive or even uncivil, it hurts you with that person. That said, it can be beneficial-- in very small doses. Punching down is bad, while punching up is risky (the best target is a person of high status, that is &quot;punching up&quot;, and low character, but with no real power) and if you&#x27;re perceived as being uncivil for personal benefit, you&#x27;re just considered an asshole. Usually, uncivil behavior is to one&#x27;s benefit when (and pretty much only when) one is perceived as being that way <i>for the group</i>: you&#x27;re a protector. People tire of selfish rule-breakers and firebrands, but those who behave in such ways for group benefit tend to inspire loyalty.<p>Don&#x27;t get me wrong: it&#x27;s generally best not to be uncivil or arrogant at all. It&#x27;s just not intellectually honest to say that it&#x27;s always socially detrimental to be that way. You have to be extremely selective in your targets to make it work, though.
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yummyfajitas将近 10 年前
From the article: <i>But insensitivity or disrespect often sabotages support in crucial situations. Employees may fail to share important information and withhold efforts or resources. Sooner or later, uncivil people sabotage their success — or at least their potential. Payback may come immediately or when they least expect it, and it may be intentional or unconscious.</i><p>It&#x27;s a bit weird how the article paints this as a failure of the uncivil person - this is pretty clearly a failure of the sabotager. Some people are willing to harm random third parties (shareholders) in acts of petty revenge against those they dislike (for possibly valid reasons). Quite a bit of victim blaming going on there.<p>I agree that the person with power should - as a pragmatic move - attempt to behave in a manner that accounts for the bad acts of others. In much the same way, people should avoid putting themselves into situations where there is a high risk of crime. But the ultimate responsibility for an individual&#x27;s actions lies on the individual, not the person who was &quot;asking for it.&quot;
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